How to Text a Girl: You were fortunate enough to obtain the phone number of a girl you like, but now what? If you’re too nervous to call, texting is the best way to get her attention. Don’t be concerned if you’re worried about saying the wrong thing or coming on too strong.
How to Text a Girl
Ways to Text Girls: It’s All about Mindset
The common thing that men get wrong with texting is the mindset. They:
‣ Come across as overly dependent
‣ Give up all of their power
‣ Do a lot of talking about all the wrong things.
‣ Struggle to maintain a masculine frame
‣ Too many lines are crossed, and there are too many low-value markers displayed.
In this guide you’re going to learn how to avoid doing all of these things.
However, developing a strong masculine frame is the first step toward overcoming all of these issues.
Women do not want to text low-value men.
And, to be honest, there’s no way to redeem yourself once you start sending low-value markers.
As a result, you must demonstrate your value from the start and maintain it throughout the interaction.
Then you must smoothly transition into the part of the conversion where you set up the in-person meeting with her.
What Not to Text a Girl
Let’s start with what you should NOT do when texting a woman:
1. Do Not Request Nudity
This is a common rookie error among men.
Instead of asking for nudes, ask her to go on a real date with you and show her that you’re a great, valuable man.
Believe me. You’ll be getting plenty of nudes if she becomes obsessed with you and wants you. Women will literally ask you if it’s okay for them to send you naked pictures.
Here’s an example of what NOT to say:
“Oh, you’re in the shower? How about a pic.” (winky face)
2. Don’t Use Her as a Therapist
Don’t tell her about the things that are making you unhappy.
Don’t tell her about how your ex cheated on you or how you’re now just ‘expecting to have your heart broken.’
Do not tell her about how your depression has flared up again.
She literally doesn’t give a damn.
Worse, when you discuss these topics with women, they immediately begin to devalue you in their minds.
They classify you as a “friendly guy with emotional issues” rather than a “hot guy they want to sleep with.”
Here’s an example of what NOT to say:
“I just don’t really have anyone to talk to. My friends aren’t very good at listening. I’m just really lonely.”
3. Avoid Talking Too Much
Some men simply talk far too much over text.
‣ Don’t tell her about your life.
‣ Don’t send her long paragraphs about how your ex wronged you.
‣ Remember, women want your full attention.
They want your approval.
Make the text game primarily about her, and only give her information (vulnerability) when she specifically requests it. Then return your attention to her.
Here’s an example of what NOT to say:
“I’m just wary of women in general because of my ex.” It’s a complicated story. Basically… (continues to tell long story)”
4. Don’t Behave Like a Lady
In other words, don’t text her about your feelings, insecurities, problems, and so on.
These are the kinds of messages she’d expect from a girlfriend, not the man she’d like to sleep with.
Men with low self-esteem text women about their emotions.
High-value men vet women, value test them, have fun with them, meet them in person, take them on romantic dates, and then bring them home for hot nasty sex.
This is a critical distinction to understand.
Here’s an example of what NOT to say:
“My day has been so stressful. I’m just really feeling emotional right now.”
5. Don’t Be Found Needy
Needy men are despised by women.
They want you to be able to live your life without having to come in and fix it.
So don’t text her anything that could be interpreted as ‘needy.’
Here’s an example of what NOT to say:
“How about you talk to me more?” You don’t text me nearly as frequently as I text you.”
6. Don’t Ask For Validation
Women crave and seek approval from high-value men.
They don’t want to be required to validate you.
If you come into the conversation expecting her to make you feel good about something, you’re in the wrong place.
Instead, ask her about herself and validate her when you think she deserves it.
Here’s an example of what NOT to say:
“Could I ask you a random question?” “Do you find me attractive?”
Idea of what to Text about With a Girl
Alright. Now that we’ve covered the obvious ‘bad text examples,’ let’s move on to topics that are appropriate to discuss with a woman via text.
Personally, I enjoy these specific conversation pieces because they elicit thought, allow you to learn more about her, and provide an opportunity for connection to grow and her to become more invested in the conversation.
1. Dark Laughter
You almost never go wrong with a dark humor joke or two.
Making a woman laugh is an effective flirtation and attraction-building tool.
This works especially well when you’re basing your actions on what a woman says.
Her: “I’ve been looking for a new job, so I’m between careers at the moment.”
You, playing off of her statement: “Ah, I’ve got so many jokes about unemployed people. Unfortunately, none of them work.”
2. Best Movies
Movies are similar to music in that everyone has favorites that they cherish, and women are no exception.
Talking about movies can start a conversation that will help you learn more about her. Furthermore, asking her about her favorite movies allows her to invest more in the conversation by telling you about them.
“All right, here’s a crucial question. What is your favorite movie, and why do you like it so much?”
3. Pet Peeves
I enjoy asking girls about their ‘dating pet peeves.’
This works particularly well because it is so personal, and it also provides insight into the types of ‘negative’ dating experiences she has recently had.
“Do you have any dating pet peeves or things which men do that tend to drive you crazy (in an upset way)?”
4. Most Listened Music
Music is an important part of almost everyone’s daily life.
People enjoy sharing their favorite musical artists, albums, and playlists with others.
Asking a woman what kind of music she listens to, as well as why she likes certain songs or artists, can help you connect with her.
You: “What kind of music do you like to listen to?
Her: “I like (insert whatever type of music she likes).”
You: “Ah, I can see that for you. What has been your #1 go-to song lately?”
5. Astrological Signs
Most girls enjoy discussing this.
You can prepare for this by learning about your own sign and becoming knowledgeable enough to hold a decent conversation about it.
Allowing her to take the lead and ‘educate you’ on what your sign means also works well.
“So, what’s your astrology sign? I’m a textbook Libra.”
How to Keep a Conversation Going With a Girl Over Text
To successfully communicate with women via text, you must do one thing:
Make it interesting.
You can be many things to women, but one of them isn’t boring.
If a woman isn’t engaged, having fun, or experiencing some kind of emotional impact while texting, the conversation will fall flat and she will lose interest.
Follow these six suggestions to keep the conversation lively and interesting.
While it’s always a good idea to keep things interesting during text conversations, it’s also critical not to succumb to the temptation to be her ‘text buddy’ at this stage of the game, particularly before the first date.
As a general rule, you should always try to set up that first date as soon as possible, saving the real talking for in-person. You can chat with her after you’ve set the date, but you don’t want to get drawn into long conversations.
That being said, sometimes the woman will try to chat you up a little more before your scheduled date arrives.
It’s also true that if the date can’t happen within the next few days, you don’t want to simply go silent—lest she get cold feet and think you’ve forgotten about her.
To be honest, it’s a delicate balancing act.
So here are some suggestions for keeping things interesting if she continues to chat you up before the date, or if you’re engaging in minimal conversation in the lead up to that first date.
1. Ask Her Engaging Questions
The best way to keep a woman interested is to ask her interesting questions.
Because women enjoy sharing information about themselves with the men they are attracted to.
They also enjoy the feeling that the man is curious about them.
So asking her questions is a sure-fire way to get the conversation going in the right direction.
Do you need help coming up with questions? Consult our list of existential questions to delve deeper and spark some lively debate.
“Do you believe you’ve found your life’s purpose?” Or perhaps not yet?”
2. Ask Her Things about Her Life and Background
Asking a woman to open up about her background is an effective way to engage her in the conversation.
The more invested a woman is in the conversation, the more likely she will value your attention in the future.
As a result, getting her to open up and share stories from her childhood and early years is a good place to start.
“So tell me about your childhood. Where’d you grow up?”
3. When You Learn Something about Her, Ask More Questions about It
A great question should only be the starting point for that particular conversation thread.
Remember, the goal is to get her to open up about herself, connect with her, and invest in the conversation.
So follow up on her responses with more in-depth questions.
You: “What’s your favorite movie?”
Her: “That’s a tough question. But I have to say it’s The Wizard of Oz.”
You: “Ah, interesting choice. What about it do you like so much?”
5. If She Asks You about Yourself, Be Open and Honest
Of course, texting and conversing isn’t just about asking her questions.
Women will also want you to tell them a little bit about yourself.
In fact, women will almost certainly ask you questions, and answering them authentically and vulnerablely is critical to making her feel like you’re a “safe investment” of her time.
This is yet another indication of commitment.
Avoiding questions or attempting to conceal information will raise red flags.
So be open to sharing yourself with her, especially if she expresses an interest in learning more about you.
Her: “What do you do for a living?”
Me: “I”m a writer. I write mostly in the dating, men’s lifestyle, and health/wellness niches. I’ve been doing it for over 12 years now.”
6. Make Her Want More
To some extent, texting a woman and opening up and being vulnerable is beneficial.
However, you don’t want to go too far with this.
Give her good answers to her questions, but don’t tell her your entire life story, especially if she didn’t ask for it.
Maintain some’mystery’ about yourself, and reveal information about yourself to her in small, controlled doses.
Her: “So tell me about your life, I want to know everything there is to know about you.”
Me: (Resisting the temptation to send her a huge wall of text, so that I can keep her wanting more) (Resisting the temptation to send her a huge wall of text, so that I can keep her wanting more.) “I was born in Illinois.” For ten years, I was married. I have two children. I enjoy my job. I’m a self-starter with a lot of drive. If that tells you anything, I’m an Enneagram Type 3! “What about you?”
You certainly don’t want to avoid giving her information. Simply avoid the ‘trap’ of over-sharing by keeping things upbeat, positive, and relevant.
How Consistent Should You Text a Girl to Keep Her Interested?
If you’re just starting to see or date this woman, texting her every day to the point of saying “good morning, beautiful” every morning is excessive. It crosses the line into’simp’ territory, and she will almost certainly stop appreciating it.
My personal strategy is as follows:
If I really like her, I’ll contact her every other day (or every two days if I’m really busy). If she messages me more frequently than that, I’ll respond as soon as possible.
As a general rule, in all of my dating relationships, I prefer to set the precedent that she is the one who messages me first the majority of the time. Then I let her know how much I appreciate her taking the initiative by responding quickly enough that she knows I’m taking it seriously.
“Hey you! How’s your day going?”
Remember: that you are the competitor, and the woman is the selector. However, this does not imply that you wish to pursue. By deciding to become a high-value man, you compete with other men. Never go after a woman. Continue to be your own mental point of origin, and let the women who want you find you.
How to Text a Girl for the First Time
Opening a text conversation with a woman is significant because it establishes the tone for how things will progress. Here are some pointers to help you understand how to build a strong text rapport right away.
If You Got Her Number from a Real-Life Encounter
Text her right away—either while you’re still with her or right after you leave.
You want her to know that she is important to you and that you will not keep her waiting for too long.
“Hey, this is Josh. It was a pleasure meeting you.”
If You Got Her Contact Via Online Dating Platform
When you match with a woman on a dating app, the first thing you should do is get the conversation off the app as soon as possible.
This could mean either:
1. Setting up a date in the real world soon after matching, or
2. Moving the conversation to text and then setting up a real-world date
You can play this however you want, but keep in mind that if you can’t get the girl to text quickly, your chances of actually meeting up with her for a date are significantly reduced.
But you’ll also notice that if women think you’re particularly valuable, they’ll quickly switch to text and exit the app.
Because a woman who genuinely wants to talk to you will gladly exchange phone numbers. She’ll want to do anything to get closer to you.
Exchanging 10 to 15 messages (or less) is a good rule of thumb for transitioning to asking her out or moving the conversation to text.
If you don’t make enough of a connection, don’t make an impact, and/or don’t get her invested in the conversation, she’ll go silent or stop responding.
My personal strategy is as follows:
I’ll send 10 to 15 text messages through the app in an attempt to get to know her, flirt a little, make her laugh, and just see if she’s a nice person in general.
If I like her, I’ll ask her out (I’ll explain how in the following section).
If she says yes, I’ll end the conversation with something like this:
“Cool. Looking forward to it. In the meantime, feel free to text me. My number is 141-131-1112. I better get back to work. But thanks for chatting.”
If she likes me and/or is looking forward to meeting me, I usually get a text from her almost immediately.
Remember: You can’t make a girl like you. You do ‘competitor’ work every day at the gym, getting your money, growing your business, leveling up your mindset, and so on.
You’ve either done enough work by the time you’re talking to a woman, or you haven’t. Either you’re ‘her type,’ or you’re not. And you’re either going to appear on her radar as ‘an attractive man’ or you’re not.
As a result, never chase. Allow attraction to work its magic.
This is why, rather than asking for her number, I prefer to transition from dating app to text by giving her mine. As a high-value man, I know she’ll text me if she’s seriously interested. To be honest, I don’t want to meet her if she isn’t. I’ve got a lot of ladies lined up who would love to go on a date with me.
That’s the difference between an abundance mindset and a scarcity mindset.
The goal of the game isn’t to talk women into liking you or persuade them to change their minds about you.
The goal of the game is to be authentic and to get out of your own way so that you can win.
How to Ask a Girl Out over Text
Texting should only be used to facilitate basic communication if you’ve never gone out with this girl before.
Building connection at this early stage is only necessary to get her to agree to (and show up to) the first date, as you’ll want to do the majority of the connecting during your in-person encounter.
You don’t want to become her ‘text buddy,’ so avoid doing so.
Women don’t want text buddies, and you’re probably too busy for that anyway.
Here’s what you need to understand about how to ask a girl out over text.
Step 1: Develop a Quick Rapport
Your primary goal with texting should be to establish a connection, confirm that you’re a cool high-value man, and ask her out.
“Alright, I have an important question for you: Coffee or beer?”
Step 2: Select a Date Idea and Invite Her Out
It’s in your best interest to go for the ask once you’ve established a quick rapport, a bit of connection, and some decent back-and-forth communication (keep it short, like 10 to 15 messages or less).
Do this as soon as possible.
Caution: 10 to 15 messages per day may be considered excessive texting.
I used to be more of a ‘5 or 6 texts before asking’ type of guy. And, to be honest, if the energy is right, that is sometimes the trick.
But I’ve also ruined some interactions by launching into the ask without first establishing any connection or investment. So 10 to 15 messages feels like the sweet spot for me where I can actually do that.
Women prefer to be asked out on genuine dates. They want to go on genuine adventures.
They are not looking for a text buddy. They can text their girlfriends for fun.
You aren’t the “girlfriend.” You’re the man she’d like to sleep with.
So be a man and ask her out.
Make the final decision on what to do, where to go, and when to meet.
Her: “Oh, definitely coffee. I’m not really a ‘beer’ kind of person.”
Me: “Perfect. Then meet me for a coffee date on Friday afternoon, 3:00 pm at Downtown Coffee.”
How to Flirt on Text with a Girl You Want
Flirting is an essential part of the human’mating dance.’
When you successfully flirt with a woman, you demonstrate to her that you are enjoyable, attentive, intelligent, and socially aware.
Flirting is similar to’social peacocking’ in many ways. It’s how you demonstrate your worth and show her that you’re a high-value man with a lot to offer in terms of social value.
Here are some tips on how to flirt with her via text message.
If You didn’t Go on a Date Yet
You should be cautious with flirting if you haven’t met her in person (or if you haven’t gone on a date yet). You want to make her laugh and perhaps tease her a little, but you don’t want to make things too sexual.
Here are some guidelines to assist you in navigating this delicate balancing act.
1. Take it Lightheartedly
During this first round of flirtation, avoid ‘hot or heavy’ topics. Save the sexy stuff for after you’ve slept together, and the heavier topics for after you’ve gotten to know each other a little better.
Only broach sensitive subjects if she allows it.
2. Hold Strong
Always maintain your frame when flirting with a woman. This is not to say that you should be a jerk. It simply means that you should always text like an alpha male and resist beta texting tendencies.
3. Tease Her and Give Her a Hard Time
Playful teasing via text, when accomplished successfully, is a magic bullet in every high value man’s dating tool kit.
4. Meet Her Escalation Level, But Let Her Set the Pace
Sexually escalating with women via text before meeting them in person is generally a bad idea.
Because you risk looking like a thirsty beta rather than a sexually abundant alpha male.
This isn’t to say that sexualizing her isn’t a good idea; it’s just not a good idea to do it before your first date unless she initiates it.
However, if she initiates it, feel free to match her level of escalation.
Just make sure that she is the one pushing the’sexualizing,’ not you.
This is also altered after you’ve slept together. After you’ve successfully gotten her into bed, you have a lot more leeway to initiate sexy text conversations.
You: “I’m looking forward to showing you this pizza place. It’s one of my favorites.”
Her: (Sends provocative photo of herself) “I like eating pizza with handsome men. I also like doing other things with them too.”
You: “Oh yeah? Hopefully by ‘other things’ you don’t mean ‘murder them and turn them into pizza.’ That would definitely be a mood killer.”
5. Focus On Building Connection
Building connection before the first date is so important.
‣ Inquiring about herself with her
‣ Getting to know her better by asking more questions
‣ Sharing your feelings and experiences with her.
‣ Being vulnerable and sharing personal information about yourself
It’s often said that men have sex to connect, and women have sex to connect. That is absolutely correct.
You must make an emotional impact if you want to generate a lot of attraction and chemistry. And the best way to do so is to create connections.
“You mentioned in your Tinder profile that you enjoy reading. “What was the most recent book you read?”
If You’ve Already Gone on a Date
If you’ve already gone on one date, but haven’t ‘sealed the deal’ by sleeping together, here are the tactics you should implement.
1. Pick Up Where You Left off on the Date
Don’t be an outsider.
Recognize how much fun you had together and pick up the conversation where you left it.
If at all possible, keep it light and fun while referencing something you discussed on the date.
“It’s entirely your fault.” I’m currently watching Rick and Morty. You’re a bad influence.”
You can also go deeper into something more serious you learned about her during the date with another question. However, use caution when asking these types of questions. Going too ‘heavy,’ even after the first date, can be too much.
“You mentioned to me during our date that you didn’t get along with your grandparents.” “How come?”
2. Hold Frame
We’ve already discussed this, but it bears repeating.
Text like a man, not a woman or a beta.
Maintain your pursuit of value in your life. Don’t let your newfound love interest derail your efforts to become a more valuable man.
This is especially true after she refused to sleep with him on the first date.
Her: “Do you want to go to a movie with me tonight? We can watch that new movie I was telling you about.
You: “That sounds lovely. However, tonight is weight lifting night with the boys. Staying fit is a huge priority for me. How about tomorrow evening instead?”
3. Invite Her Out Again Soon
As a general rule, you should ask her out again as soon as possible. If you wait too long, all of the sexual tension will dissipate.
I like to plant the seed of a possible second date idea while we’re still on the first date. Then I’ll ask her out again the next day.
“Would you like to come over tomorrow night and drink that wine I mentioned?” I just grabbed it. It looks fantastic!”
4. Tease Her Sexually, But Save the Majority of Your Energy for the Next Date
If you’ve already had one date that didn’t end in sex, you risk not escalating/sexualizing sufficiently.
So it doesn’t hurt to push the’sexy’ envelope a little before the second date.
“By the way, I enjoyed that kiss.” You’re comfortable with my hands around your waist.”
How to Turn a Girl on With Text
It’s not difficult to turn a woman on via text.
Many men overthink this.
But here’s the reality:
Women are equally horny as men.
They simply want to be stimulated with class and elegance, as well as a healthy dose of sexual innuendo and filthy/nasty perversion.
Here are some key strategies I employ to accomplish this at various stages of the interaction.
If You Haven’t Gone on a Date Yet
If you haven’t already been on a date, don’t try to turn a woman on via text.
You run the risk of appearing ‘thirsty,’ which makes you appear to be in a state of sexual scarcity.
In other words, you risk coming across as a horny loser.
The only caveat here is that if she escalates first, you should go ahead and meet her level.
If You’ve Gone on a Date But Haven’t Hooked Up
In this situation, you should flirt a little bit.
You risk being friendzoned at this point if you don’t make an emotional impact and engage her senses in a primal way.
My favorite strategy is to follow her lead or to lead into some comments about the kinds of things you think about her that make you like her.
You can also do some one-sided roleplaying to get her imagination going.
“I liked how my hands felt around your waist while kissing you. “I was tempted to reach down and feel that lovely butt,” she says, “but I decided to save that treat for later.”
When you’ve already slept together, it’s much easier to push the sexual envelope in your texting.
Unless you talk exclusively about sex, you’re much less likely to come across as unappreciative.
Feel free to up the ante on the role-playing. Personally, I don’t like making sexual plans with women via text because it can create unrealistic expectations that can be problematic if not met adequately.
I just like to roleplay and leave all scenarios to my imagination.
This helps to engage her imagination without putting any pressure on her.
“You were delicious last night.” To be honest, thinking about it is causing some distraction at work. I wish I had you on my desk to satisfy this craving so I could get back to work.”
How to Make a Girl Laugh While Texting
For good reason, laughter is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Men who can make women laugh have superior genetics as well as high social proof. Making people laugh demonstrates your ability to interact socially with others.
It’s also a huge turn-on for women.
But here are my 4 favorite methods for making women laugh that I use in my everyday text game.
1. Jokes With a Dark Twist
Dark humor is popular among modern women.
It’s tense, horrifying, shocking, and hilarious.
Look up some dark humor jokes and tell a few of them.
Either she’ll block you or you’ll get a few laughs from her.
“Why are women like a hurricane? They come in all wet and nasty—then they leave with your house and car.”
2. Terrible Pickup Lines
For the record, I’m not a big fan of using pickup lines as conversation starters.
They do, however, work well as one-liners later on.
“Do you like soda?” Because I’d mount and do you.”
3. Strange/Funny Memes
Everybody enjoys a good meme.
Maintain a meme collection of cool, funny, sexy, or dark-humor memes and send her a few from time to time.
Memes are popular among females. Just don’t go all meme on her at once. Only use one or two at a time.
4. Randomly Funny Things that Remind You of Her
Women love it when the guy they’re into thinks of them randomly throughout the day.
So when you see something funny that makes her think of you, send it to her. This will warm her heart and make her laugh.
Good text example:
“You strangeo, this made me think of you.” (Sends a bizarre/funny Tik Tok video.)
Warning: Be Very Careful With Sexual Humor
Sexual humor is a great way to get people to laugh.
However, if you push it too far, it can make you appear thirsty/desperate.
Remember that a high-value man isn’t desperate for sex because he’s in high demand and has plenty of ladies vying for his attention.
So stop acting like a horny high schooler.
How to Text a Girl on Tinder: Do the Same Rules Apply?
Texting on Tinder should, for the most part, be moving the conversation to the point where you take it off Tinder, either for a real-life date or into text messenger.
The reason for this is straightforward.
The longer you chat with a woman on the app, the more likely she will lose interest and ghost/flake.
Women do not want text buddies on dating apps. They want to date genuine high-value men from the real world.
Get her off the app and into your text messenger as soon as possible.
You can also schedule an in-person date and then either give her your phone number after she agrees or after you meet in person.
This procedure consists of four steps:
1. Match her on the app.
2. Chat with her for 10-15 messages (or less) to establish connection and investment.
3. Make a date with her.
4. After you’ve set the date, give her your phone number and tell her she can ‘text you in the meantime.’
How to Get a Girl Back Through Text
As a general rule, you should never attempt to reconcile with an ex.
If you’ve recently broken up with your girlfriend, you might miss her—and you might even want to get back together with her.
But here’s the catch.
There was a reason for the relationship’s demise.
Even if it’s painful, you owe it to yourself to start over with someone else.
With that said, if you truly want your ex to start talking to you again, the best way to approach her is to not text her at all.
Wait until she messages you, then engage with her lightly (as if you’re testing her and not giving her your full attention or energy), and make her earn your time and attention by being good.
But hear this:
Any woman who does not prove to you beyond a reasonable doubt that she is a high-value woman should be considered nothing more than a ‘fun fling’ in your life.
Don’t make your life more difficult because of an ex. It’s simply not worth it.
Your ex: “Hey, what are you doing?”
You: (Leave her on read for at least a few hours). “Just doing my thing. What are you up to?”
How to Tell if a Girl isn’t Interested in You Via Text
Women appear complicated, but they are actually quite simple.
Pay attention to how much energy she’s putting into the conversation if you want to know if a girl is interested in you based on how she’s texting.
Is she devoting significant time and energy to and prioritizing the conversation?
If that’s the case, she’s probably interested.
If she isn’t, she probably isn’t.
A woman who is interested in you will text back quickly and respond with longer, more thought-out responses.
A woman who isn’t interested in you, on the other hand, will keep texts short (one or two word responses) and will take longer to text you back.
That’s all there is to it.
The fundamentals of the highly successful text game techniques I’ve developed over the last 5 years, as well as 35 real-world examples to get you started.
But don’t forget the most important thing of all:
Women are only attracted to men of high value.
So begin leveling up to become a true alpha mentality man and crush it with women by consistently demonstrating that you’re the best option in the room.
You can do it.
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